Stupidity Metaphors, Analogies and Similes

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Egotism is the anaesthetic that dulls the pain of stupidity.

Showing all the signs of being one tube-stop short of Barking.

At the quiz, Wayne was as sharp as a beach ball.

He's as useful as a cat flap in an elephant house.

Your efforts are as effective as eating clear soup with chopsticks.

The clue meter is reading zero.

A few currants short of a fruitcake.

It's a clinical impossibility that this guy is playing with a full deck.

If men were dominoes, he'd be the double-blank.

That's about as sensible a prank as climbing an electricity pylon during a thunderstorm.

The elevator doesn't go all the way to the top.

If status and prestige are everything then you can save money on expensive personalised car number plates by changing your name to match your existing plate.

I drank from the fountain of knowledge; you just gargled.

If ignorance ever goes to $40 a barrel, I want drilling rights on George Bush's head.

Those rednecks are swimming in the shallow end of the gene pool.

Your brain makes a grain of sand look enormous and ungainly.

The wheel is spinning but the hamster is dead.

You beat your pate, and fancy wit with come; knock as you please, there's nobody at home.

Alexander Pope

She's a renewable source of energy for hot-air balloons.

There is more buffoonery than hydrogen in the universe, and it has a longer shelf-life.

Fools stand on their island of opportunities and look longingly towards other lands.

If brains were hair, he would be Kojak.

He looked blank, like a red-neck farm boy in a Latin tutorial.

This new band will go down like a lead Zeppelin.

To love one's self is the beginning of a life-long romance.

Oscar Wilde

He makes Homer Simpson look like a Noble Prize winner.

You’re knitting with only one needle.

Your about as much use as a one-legged man in an arse-kicking contest.

More examples of second-hand intelligence, off-the-peg wit and ready-made satire.

They remind me of watching an orang-utan trying to play the violin.

In a battle of wits he's a pacifist out of necessity.

His head is better used as a paperweight.

One sandwich short of a picnic.

Putting Wayne's brain on the edge of a razor blade is like putting a pea on a six-lane highway.

A sausage short of a barbie.

If this was the school orchestra, he'd be the gormless kid who chimes a triangle once per song — at the wrong time.

A room-temperature IQ.

Roderick couldn't get laid if he was a table at the Savoy.

He interrupts frequently, like spam e-mails, and is just as pointless and difficult to stop.

He has the spark of an underwater cigarette lighter.

Chavs illustrate how dinosaurs survived for millions of years with walnut-sized brains.